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The Funnelsmiths

Clinic marketing

Marketing for private clinics that answers the phone as well as fills it

Most private clinics do not have a marketing problem, they have an answering problem. We get you found by the people already searching for what you treat, and make sure the enquiries that arrive reach a human instead of a voicemail. One system, measured against your own numbers.

The outcome

The enquiries you already get are the cheapest ones you will ever have

Every clinic we look at is paying for attention it is not converting. Somebody searches, finds you, calls, and reaches a voicemail at ten past six. That patient does not try again tomorrow, they try the next clinic on the page. Spending more on advertising while that is happening makes the leak bigger, not smaller. So the first thing we do is measure how much of it is happening to you, before anyone talks about budget.

What we actually run

Being found
Your listing, your site and the answers people now get from AI assistants before they click anything. Most of the decision happens here, and it is the part almost nobody is measuring.
Being asked
Pages built to ask for the enquiry rather than describe the service. Two fields, not a form marathon, and built for a phone because that is where they are reading.
Being answered
Calls, web form, email, SMS, missed calls and voicemail, answered instantly and landing in one place. The right ones are qualified and booked into your diary. Anything clinical is escalated to a human by rule rather than answered.
Being followed up
The enquiry that went quiet gets followed up on a schedule, not when somebody remembers. That is the whole trick, and it is why it never happens by hand.
The scarred working face of a blacksmith's anvil.

Everything gets worked on the same face.

What it’s worth

What it is worth is your arithmetic, not our claim

Take the enquiries you get in a month, multiply by what a first assessment is worth to you, and multiply that by the share that never reaches a human. That is the number. Every input is yours or something we measured on your clinic, which is why it is worth more than any figure we could quote at you.

Ten enquiries a month that nobody answers, at an average case worth £800, is £8,000. Invented numbers, but the shape is real: a gap that size never shows up in your accounts, because the money never arrives to be missed.

How it’s built

The accounts are yours. The plumbing is ours.

The ad accounts, the number and the patient data are in your name and stay there, including the record of every enquiry the system handled. The automation runs on our shared platform. That split is deliberate and it is why this is a monthly fee rather than a build cost, but we would rather you knew it now than at the point you ask to leave.

  1. Registered to your businessThe phone numbers, the ad accounts and the spend that runs through them, the website, and every client and call record. All in your organisation's name, and all of it stays with you.
  2. The automation runs on our platformThe workflows themselves sit on a shared platform we run and maintain, which is what keeps it a monthly fee rather than a build cost. Our route into your accounts is a permission you grant and can withdraw.
  3. If we stop working togetherYour accounts, numbers and data stay exactly where they are, and you can export the lot at any time at no charge. If you want to take the automation in-house too, we can hand it over: that one is a migration with a setup cost, and we will quote it honestly rather than pretend it is a switch.

What it takes

Start by finding out, not by signing something

The Leak Check is free, takes nothing from you, and tells you what happens when someone tries to reach your clinic. If the answer is that your enquiry handling is fine and the real problem is that nobody can find your fees, we will say so, and that fix costs nothing.

Prices from £495 a month, ex VAT. See what is included

What owners ask first

What does clinic marketing actually include?

Being found in search and in the AI answers people now read, pages built to ask for the enquiry, and a system that answers what arrives day or night. We run all of it as one build rather than as separate suppliers, because a lost enquiry between an agency and a front desk is always somebody else's fault and nothing gets fixed.

How much should a private clinic spend on marketing?

Less than most clinics are told, until the answering is fixed. Advertising into a clinic that misses half its enquiries doubles the cost of every patient it wins. The honest sequence is to measure the miss rate first, close it, and then spend into a clinic that converts what it attracts.

Will this replace our receptionist?

No. It covers the hours a person cannot: evenings, weekends, lunch, and the times your reception is already on another call. A full-time member of staff covers roughly 1,700 hours a year and patients try to reach you across considerably more than that. The gap is what we close, not the person.

How quickly does anything change?

Days rather than months for the answering. We measure a two week baseline first so improvement is judged against your own numbers rather than a promise, and nothing goes live until we can show you what it replaced.

Do we have to learn new software?

No. The system sits behind what you already use. Enquiries arrive, get answered, and land where they land now. The difference shows up against your baseline: the ones that used to go unanswered stop going unanswered.

What if we only want the advertising?

Yes. The only thing we check first is what happens to an enquiry once it arrives, because advertising does not create patients, it creates enquiries. A call that rings out costs you the same as one that gets booked. If the phone is not covered, fixing that returns more than a bigger budget will. If it is covered, we will get on with the ads.

Free · No install · No obligation

Find out what's recoverable in your clinic

We mystery-shop your clinic the way a patient would, by search, phone and web form, then show you the patients you could be winning. Scored on three things: are you found, is the enquiry answered, does anyone chase it.